Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
