Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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