I just made out with a guy for $7.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
