I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
