Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i think i just lost a toe
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