do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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