just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
