I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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