I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
