Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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