The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
