hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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