Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
