i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
