so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
