she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
