in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
