You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
