I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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