Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
