if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
