We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
