therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
