the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
