He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
