Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
