i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
