I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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