are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
last night I used snow as a chaser
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
