You really coming over, don't trick.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize