I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
