No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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