i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
