the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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