i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
