i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
