You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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