The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
