So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm just crazy horny about you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
