I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was born a porn star she said
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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