After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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