theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize