Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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