Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize