Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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