I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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