So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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