last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
