why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize