from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
