I love black thongs
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We're hate flirting, damnit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
