im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
