Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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