Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
