I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
