Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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