I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
