he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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