U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
