New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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