I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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