She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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