eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
