Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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