dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
