Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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