I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
