I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
