Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
