Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
