now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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