Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Semen is not good for contacts.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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