I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize