So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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