he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
