I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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